Dear Rich Arab: I Suffer from Genital Trauma

Dear Rich Arab,
I need your help. I play for the Spokane Indians, a minor league baseball team in Washington state. For the past three months I have been on the disabled list, listed as 'Genital Trauma.'. Allow me to set the scene:

Spring training, St. Patrick's Day. Our Indians vs. the Boise Cherokees. Me behind the plate. Someone fouls off a pitch right into my protective cup, which breaks in half and ruptures my testicles. The pain was so intense, I passed out on the field. I have since missed four months of the regular season. And the doctors now think I may be suffering from another illness something they call agrophobia. But I doubt that. Is there anything you can do?

Praise Be to Allah! My legs are crossed! I have contacted Dr. Adel Buraik, an Egyptian who many call a miracle worker. He will visit you immediately. He has helped some cricket players... Praise be to you child!

Dear Rich Arab: Radio Emission

My name is Herr Waives and I’ve been into CB Radio for 9 months. I often have conversations with International Truckers who pass through Germany. But they drive too fast as we have very big motorways and they get out of range very quickly. Can you help me set up a radio station which emits on the World Wide Web?

I want the main topic to be about petrol prices and those whacko environmentalists (maybe using the tag line ‘YOU put the mental in environmental’?). And I want to call it Radio Emission.

Please help make my radio station worldwide. I want to broadcast for 1000 jahre.

Well Herr Waives, I’ve asked Sery, my technical online computer assistant, to look into making it a reality. He talks a lot about things like this and he assures me that with your combined professional experience (18 months) anything can happen. We sure need some good information out there telling the REAL TRUTH about Trucking, SO CALLED global warming and Post-World Cup Germany. Peace.