Dear Rich Arab: I Suffer from Genital Trauma

Dear Rich Arab,
I need your help. I play for the Spokane Indians, a minor league baseball team in Washington state. For the past three months I have been on the disabled list, listed as 'Genital Trauma.'. Allow me to set the scene:

Spring training, St. Patrick's Day. Our Indians vs. the Boise Cherokees. Me behind the plate. Someone fouls off a pitch right into my protective cup, which breaks in half and ruptures my testicles. The pain was so intense, I passed out on the field. I have since missed four months of the regular season. And the doctors now think I may be suffering from another illness something they call agrophobia. But I doubt that. Is there anything you can do?

Praise Be to Allah! My legs are crossed! I have contacted Dr. Adel Buraik, an Egyptian who many call a miracle worker. He will visit you immediately. He has helped some cricket players... Praise be to you child!